So. This is what happened.
My girlfriend and I were doing well in my eyes. We were laughing a lot, hanging out a lot, loving each other a lot. Christmas came and I gave her my gifts. Her dad gave me his old car, which was fucking awesome since I've never had my own car. She didn't get me anything on Christmas, said it was going to be a bit late. No problem. No worries.
She started talking to me less and less during the end of December. She had a new group of friends. New people to talk to. New ideas to share. New places to go. The last night I saw her she said she was "unhappy" again.
Unhappy.
I mean it's not like I loved her so much that even after fucking another guy and getting pregnant I stayed by her side the whole time. 9 months of physically being reminded that another guy's fucking dick was inside of her. Let alone this is the same guy that treated her like complete SHIT. Her baby boy "Benjamin" was born last September. It was really hard for me to see, but people make mistakes and I love her. I thought I had proved how much I really did love her.
The only thing is that she left me in the
fucking dust.
Straight up "done" with me. Said it's time we should go our separate ways.
Three months after having her child, after losing her baby weight, getting back into shape and getting back into the social world.
What the
fuck is this shit? This came flying out of no where.
This is the woman I fell in love with on the fourth of July, 2009. We had been together for about two and a half years.
I've never been with someone that long before. Never loved a woman as much as I did her.
What the hell am I supposed to do now? She's living it up with her new friends, which by the way changes every 6 months to a year. She changes. She meets new people and starts acting like them. It's sickening. She had even said and I quote "I am a product of my environment".
I'm
dead now. Or feel like it.
Struggling with depression, anxiety, ADHD, major schizomania and last but not least Cystic Fibrosis.
I want to drive this new car off a fucking embankment.
Maybe I could even mix some more Jack with my candybars.
Yeah.....that'll help. Until I sober back up again.
She doesn't even talk to me anymore. Not even a single fucking text.
I mean how fucking cruel could you be to do this to someone you were supposedly in love with?
Apparently this "
love" meant "
lack of veritable emotion".
But see here's the thing:
I can't leave this world right now from my own fatal actions.
There's still people that care about me. My mother, my father, my brother, my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and my friends. I mean a shit ton of people would be heart-
fucking-broken if I left this God forsaken earth.
I'm starting to sound like I did in my teenage years, all sad and shit.
Then life hit be square in the fucking face.
This is real shit, I'm almost 22 and am now lost in the most vast
ocean of strange, mental, fucked up thoughts you could imagine. I'm sure some of you can relate.
It's real deep shit I'm going through.
There's too many of myself inside my head.
All with different thoughts, emotions, actions and patterns.
Hell on earth is raging inside me.
